Question of the Day on ElderCareMatters.com: "My mother has borderline dementia and is making bad financial choices based on an outside influence (ex-boyfriend) in her life. My brother and I are concerned. We have dual power of attorney for her, but wonder when we should step in. Any help on what steps to take would be appreciated."

Answer:  The fact that your mother granted you and your brother her power of attorney is a good indication that she trusts the two of you (and is, perhaps, relying on you) to step in to protect her interests when you think protection is warranted.  You should look into her situation and her finances as far as your power of attorney allows, while at the same time respecting whatever level of autonomy your mother is capable of exercising.  It might be appropriate to enlist the input of her physician or other medical providers who are in a position to shed light on her medical condition.  Hopefully, your mother has given her medical providers her written permission to share her health information with you.  She may have done this in her advance health-care directive, her “HIPAA authorization,” or other estate planning or health care documents.  If she has not done so, her medical providers will probably decline to talk with you.

POSSIBLE ACTION STEPS:  (1) Get clear with your brother on your specific concerns.  (2) Agree with your brother on who (if anyone) should be consulted concerning your mother’s medical condition and her finances.  (3) Approach your mother with your concerns and let her know that you are there to make sure her interests are protected.  If you can involve your mother’s physician or other family members or trusted individuals, that will probably promote her comfort level.

If your mother clearly understands that you are endeavoring to act in her best interest, she will probably appreciate the attention that you are focusing on her. 

Scott Makuakane, Esq., CFP
Founding Partner, Est8Planning LLLC
Honolulu, Hawaii  96813
www.est8planning.com
Member of the national ElderCare Matters Alliance, Hawaii chapter, State Coordinator

 

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