"I have an 89 year old mom that I don't know how to handle! I am the only child left and my step-father passed away suddenly last year. Since then, my granddaughter and I have attempted to assist my mother. The problem is that she is VERY verbally abusive to all of us. And last week my mother actually struck my granddaughter. She has no one left but the two of us to take care of her. I know that she has a touch of dementia just from the things she says and does. What can we do to get her some help? We live in Florida."

Answer:  Caregiving for a loved one can be a very overwhelming and taxing job.  I commend your efforts and think to myself how lucky your mother is to have you and your granddaughter.

My first recommendation would be to report your mother's current living situation to the Department of Children and Families (or Adult Protective Services) and to follow up with them until you receive their final determination. 

I also recommend that you consult with your mother's primary care doctor and stress your concerns.  Determining what is going on medically with her first will help in determining in which direction you need to go.  You can also request that the physician refer your mother to a neurologist or psychiatrist for a comprehensive memory evaluation.  From there you can choose the next direction.

If your mother does not have a Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) document already in place, then you may need to get the help of an attorney to perhaps apply for a guardian to be appointed over your mother and her day to day affairs.

Finally, there are professionals that are available in the community who can provide additional resources and support such as Geriatric Care Managers, social workers, support groups, and your local Area Agency on Aging.  I would suggest that you reach out to these local resources in order to get continued support and education in aging related matters.

Genevieve Griffin Faulk,  MSW, LCSW, CMC, C-ASWCM, CSA
Bayshore Geriatric Solutions, Inc.
Tampa, Florida  33619
Hillsborough Office: 813-246-4120  Pinellas Office: 727-586-0044